Putting it Out There

I haven't had much time to write lately. Lots of drama at the job. Which, since no one really reads this, I can probably admit that I work at a shelter as the overnight advocate. It's a relatively recent position -- less than a month, although before that I was the driver. Whole new change of pace and career shift for me, as I'd never really considered getting into social work before, but now I find that it gives me a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

But it's also really hard and challenging. There's so much I don't know and am working on figuring out. I want to expand my skills at de-escalation, mediation, counseling, and helping people through tough situations. Of course, many of them have ingrained patterns of reacting with anger, violence, passive aggression, pettiness, and distrust. Some of them are dealing with mental health issues as well. So far this month, I've had to try and break up 3 fights; 2 in which the cops were called. It's draining both mentally and emotionally. When I applied for this position, I had to commit to a year. I really hope I can make it that long.

But I'm determined to do my best. I've been reading up on Non-Violent Communication; I've taken trainings and workshops, I ask the staff for their advice and counsel. I'm trying to get more tools in my proverbial tool-belt so I can handle these situations better. I just wish I could fast-forward a year, or 3, or 5, to where I'm really good at what I do. It's going to take time and I'm not always patient with myself.

Another part of me is convinced that there are other skills I could be teaching. I get so focused on trying to do little activities for the clients, like meditation, self-care, dance, and fitness. I want to encourage them to practice gratitude, to indulge their creative sides, to try bonding and team-building exercises as a way to defuse the tension that seems inherent in throwing a bunch of strangers (most of whom are stressed out already) in close quarters together and expecting them all to get along.

I feel like encouraging them to try these little practices every day could help alleviate some of the stress. That it could prompt the beginnings of healthier habits, self-care, and mindfulness. I know it's worked for me and I want to share that. I know I can't "fix" anyone, but maybe I can guide them along with baby steps toward changing ingrained patterns into something more positive.

But it's tough. The staff here, while I like most of them, seem burned out and disinterested in such ideas and improvements. Many of them are working second jobs, so I can't imagine they have the energy to pour into this one. Which is discouraging, because the turnover rate is high, morale is low, and sometimes it feels like this whole place is just held together with duct tape and a shoestring budget. I keep trying to build momentum but end up getting discouraged and frustrated myself.

But I'm not giving up. I like to think that there's a reason I found my way to this job. Or rather, that the universe put me here for a reason. That maybe I can do some good. Just by trying, just by being me, by bringing my sensibilities and values to this workplace and hopefully, slowly and subtly, bringing about some change.

Because it could be so much more. We're sheltering people from harm and providing them a safe haven. It's only short-term, yes, and we have limited resources, but maybe we could at least expose them to new ways of doing things, new ways of thinking, new practices that they can take with them when they go. That's my goal, at any rate.

I just need to try to stick to that, focus on ways of introducing self-care, meditation, creativity, connection, and gratitude to this space. Maybe over time, I can bring about some changes. I don't want to get too daunted by the overwhelming sense of inertia and indifference that seems to permeate this place. I don't want to let that snuff out my optimism and determination. I want to swim toward a goal rather than tread water.

That is my intention. I'm writing it here so I can put it out into the universe. These are my goals; this is what I'm striving toward, and I want to remain true to my purpose.

Any help along the way would be much appreciated!