Saturday, February 23, 2019

Use Your Voice

I've had an epiphany. Partly it was reading the book, Pussy: A Reclamation, by Regena Thomashauer, but that was really just the final grain of sand that tipped the scales. The book encapsulated so many of the things I'd been thinking, suspecting, discovering -- about sex and sensuality, about wanting to forge a sisterhood, about how we're strongest when we're lifting each other up and supporting one another. It inspired me, and somehow flipped a switch, deep down. I don't want to waste time with fear and insecurity anymore. I don't want to let limitations hold me back. I want to see beauty and opportunity everywhere, I want to be bold and optimistic. I want to quit living small. I want to shine.

And part of that means speaking up. Making myself heard. I have a voice. But somehow over the years, I just stopped using it. I stopped writing. I used to write blog entries, stories, roleplay scenes -- endless, endless roleplay scenes, back in my MUSH days. Back then, writing and communication were a key component in my daily life, but gradually that shifted, and I want to get that back. I have things to say. Opinions, advice, beliefs, ideas. They're worth saying. I may not be right all the time, and sometimes what I want to say may not be fully formed yet, but that's okay. It's part of the process. The main thing is to just get it out. Speak up. Be heard. Even when you're not sure if anyone's listening.

So this is part of my newfound intention to write again. I've got a blog, so I might as well use it. And what I want to do goes so much beyond just making jewelry. I want to create beauty. I want to forge connections. I want to curate events and experiences. I want to lift up other women, other individuals who've been beaten down and had their light dimmed by life. I want to say no, you are worthy, you are beautiful, you are powerful, you can shine. I want to ignite all the gorgeous souls around me, one candle flame to another. I want to call in my sisterhood. Like calling the bannermen to war, except this battle is not about conquest or killing. It's about love, connection, vulnerability, healing. Ignite your sisterhood, so that they can ignite theirs, and theirs, and so on -- all these overlapping circles, neverending, connecting us all together. Just imagine if we were all lit up? How bright would we shine?

Together we can light up the world. I'm feeling the call. Who else is with me?




Monday, February 18, 2019

Create, Connect, Curate, Communicate



I like alliteration, so when I was mulling over my life's purpose and what I want to do with my time on this rock, I distilled my goals into a series of c-words: create, connect, curate, and communicate.

Create is easy. I've been an artist all my life, of one kind or another. I used to draw, then I got into writing, then it was graphic design and websites for a while, and now it's jewelry-making. I seem drawn to some creative outlet or other. Perhaps it's simply genetic by virtue of having an artist mother and clever, would-be professor father. But whatever my path in life, I tend to leave it littered with various creative outpourings. There is magic in that. I'm taking materials and manipulating them, or just conjuring pen-strokes or words out of thin air. It's like a kind of sorcery.

Connecting is another passion and pursuit. I enjoy connecting with people, and facilitating their connections with each other. That was a pleasant bonus of my time with Aether -- creating a shared world for people to inhabit, of which they still have fond memories. I think there was at least one marriage that resulted from that game. I brought folks together who might never have met. And now, when I organize events or host get-togethers, one of my favorite parts is seeing the new friendships  or relationships that might develop.

There's also the rich joy of connecting with other people. Maybe I've been too cautious about that, but I'm trying to deepen some of my friendships. I had a long talk with a friend yesterday and got to delve into some of the deep stuff. Like what I want to do with my life, what direction I want to go in and how to get there. It felt really good and promising to plunge in -- although a little uncomfortable at times. But I guess that's just part of the growth process. If I want to stretch beyond my comfort zones, it's gonna get a little scary. Nothing worth striving for is easy, is it?

Curating is another pleasure that I would like to indulge more. I like the thought of curating an experience for someone -- of being in charge of what they see, smell, taste, feel. I suppose it reminds me of my MUSHing days, which was so dependent on imagination and conjuring up a world. I'm eager to delve into that again, whether it be with the aforementioned event-planning, or other, more decadent pursuits.

And last, of course, communication. I dithered on whether I should include it or not, tempted by the magic number of 3. But although some of these categories cross over, communicate is still worthy of its own space. Plus, I've been neglecting it for too long. I used to write blogs, chat online, get into long, late-night phone conversations with friends. Now, I think I say or write only maybe 10-15% of the things that come into my head. I let my voice dwindle down, over the years. I stopped writing. And now it's a struggle just to get through this blog entry. But I told myself to write something today, and plunge back into the "communication" portion of my life's goal, so here it is. A stream-of-consciousness blog entry about the things I want to focus on in life.

I guess it's like writing a manifesto. Just a really vague one. I should follow my friend's lead, and try to come up with some tangible ways to enact these goals. But at least this is a start. Just putting it out there and declaring the things I want to achieve.

Create. Connect. Curate. Communicate.